Advice for my daughter as she turns 21

Many of Macallan's friends had no trouble believing she
actually met these icons, they think she is that incredible!
Unfortunately, this pic was photoshopped.
(Thanks, Chris Espiritu for the great job!)

Dear Macallan,
Firstly, I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone.
Secondly, you are a better daughter than I could have ever hoped for.
Thirdly, I love the woman you have become and I look forward to the person you will be.
Fourthly, I can't believe how fast the time has flown; and while I'm sad thinking about you growing up and going away, I am so happy to see that you are ready to make your own decisions, to live your own life.

And with that said, here's some advice:

1.) You are uniquely you, not a mini-me, not a fly-fishing chip off your ole dad, certainly not "just" someone's girlfriend or so-and-so's bff. There is no other Macallan as Macallan-y as you. Single-malt all the way!
Embrace her. Stay true to her. Love her and everyone who knows her will love her too.

2.) Appreciate your talents. Acknowledge them. Honor them. I'm so glad to see you use them!
How many people can draw, take photographs, kiss warthogs, charm chameleon, whisper to coatimundis, while riding Western in a sequined dress holding a gyrfalcon in one hand and reigns in the other as she goes forth to save the world?!?
When you were five and wanted to be a hairdresser/nurse/painter/teacher/mermaid, I knew back then, you were destined for greatness. I'm glad you knew you were talking about various stages in your life, because I thought you meant to do them all at once! While you may not be able to do everything all of the time, be sure to make time to do them - you'll be happier for it.

4.) Speaking of what you're going to "be", I'm sorry to say, I don't know.
You always thought I knew, but I didn't, and I don't.
Yes, the fortune teller I spoke to before we moved to Africa did tell me some things, but what did she know? Nope, I don't really know, and for that matter, you don't know what you will be either. You...we...actually, no one ever knows for sure. Life is funny like that.
     We can only know what we are. So, don't plan on being something...do something instead.

Just like when you were a baby and I was overwhelmed after changing your diaper seventeen times in one day, I was comforted in knowing that life wouldn't always be this way. Whatever you are doing now, I'm glad to tell you, you won't be doing it forever - being broke, getting very little sleep, wondering what bullshit your lab partner in moss identification will pull next. No. The beauty of life at your age are the transitions, the many, many manifestations of your adult-self that is yet to come. Enjoy every one, just as I have enjoyed watching you turn from a smiling baby, to a singing teen, to a self-righteous, opinionated, self-possessed woman. I loved going through it with you! And you should too!

5.) This woman I speak of has a body and hormones that will change over time - they say every seven years.
     Take good care of this human shell. It is tough but fragile. Strong but vulnerable. Watch what you eat, how you step, after banging your head on the leg of your dance partner three times, stop! And for gods sake, appreciate your curves! Baby, it doesn't get any better than this.

6.) ...and relationships too. The bonds you form with girlfriends won't be any closer than they are right now. Cherish and foster the ones that make you feel good, understood, cared for and those you care about. Get rid of the ones that cause drama, doubt, and dump on you out of spite. Life's too short to put up with bitches.

7.) ...or bastards. Get rid of those guys, you know the ones. The ones that dog around, put you down, drag you out and make you lose yourself. And if a guy brings out the worst in you, dump his ass. Life's too short for that kind of bullshit.

8.) What isn't bull, is love. There's plenty of time to fall in love and be in love. If you're in an exclusive relationship, it should be fun, flirty, romantic, and mutual. Give love. Get love.
     But don't weigh the relationship down with constraints. If it's good enough for now, go with it. Don't make it forever. Sometimes love is situational and that's OK. I was only 21 when I met your dad, so I know. I was prepared to let him go, let him fulfill his dream of going to Alaska or as it turned out, Africa. The best summer of our lives, we always say. Luckily, we had another chance and if I could do one thing over again, I would have enjoyed more and bitched less. I would have accepted what he had to give and not demanded a commitment. As you can see, we're still together 30+ years later so what was I worried about? Think of how great our lives would have been if I wasn't always afraid he'd leave me?
Enjoy what he has to give (whomever he is) and give what you have to him without fear of being hurt. That's what love is. That's what I want for you.

9.) ...Oh, let me rephrase that, that's what I would want for you. See, believe it or not, on a rare occassion, I'm...not...always...right (gulp). I do make mistakes (rare, but true). No, in all seriousness, I should set a better example because one very good lesson to learn is to admit when you are wrong. It's OK to make mistakes. Learn from them. I know, I know. Easier said than done.

10.) Also, easier said, don't be afraid to address an issue, confront a problem, call a bitch out if you have to, try a new hobby, make a new friend. Life's too short for regrets.

11.) Which brings me to time...please don't forget to make time for those you love. They won't always be here but they've been here for you in the past. Make it known that they matter with a phone call, a text, a hug.

12.) ...but alone time is important too. Don't say yes to invites knowing you don't want to go. You'll be doing everyone a favor by staying away instead of being a drag. Respect your own space.

13.) ...and don't let hangry be an excuse to be nasty. We all know I do this first hand, right? It's hard to recognize those low-blood-sugar blues, but try.

14.) And realize when you're going to that place, that space in your mind, in your heart that fills you with doubt and diminishes your shine. Sometimes it's easier to go to that deep dark place than it is to face something new or something that can fail you. Fear lives there and it doesn't like to live alone. Don't let fear take hold.

15.) Instead, gain courage by going to that special, unbroken, ultra safe place. For me, it was my grandmother's kitchen in the Philippines where she would let me help her cook. I felt whole there, not abandoned. Where is that place for you? Keep it close for the times when things aren't going your way. Go there, stay there and soon you'll feel safe enough to emerge stronger, wiser and happier still.

16.) Because, unfortunately, life's "not fair". Things, people, situations can't make you happy. So simple, right? Sorry. But it's true. You won't find happiness out there. Look for happiness within.

Linus and Macallan

17.) And regarding place - we may not have a room for you but there's always space for you in our lives. Don't let our housing, finances, location fool you. We are always here for you, wherever here may be.

Macallan and Clark

18.) And my next to last piece of advice, my sweetheart, my baby, is to see the world for what it is - see the beauty, the beasts, the bigs and the smalls, the pains and the gains and through it all be grateful. Be grateful for the experiences because life, the good and the bad, is worth living. Linus and Clark were worth loving, even if it hurt that much to have to say good-bye.


Less than two months from when you were born, I had lost my brother. I believe with all my heart that I was able to face each day after his death only because of you. It's astonishing how life happens. Who knew that raucous fishing trip where we drank a little too much Macallan would result in you, nine months later, when I needed you the most?

19.) Who knows what life has to offer? My best advice would be to take it, be grateful for it, and live, live, live it like there'll be no tomorrow.

You're 21, and your life has just begun! (Photo: Lindsay S.)

If you would like to give Macallan a present for her birthday, she is raising money for Cheetah Conservation Fund. You can help, here's how:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/266896485/great-shot-pic-of-cheetah