Juno, Goddess of Action

Robin eggs awaited at the Juno Cottage.

I have been having a frustrating time of it. Trying to define my job prospects after I pulled out of the Underwear Factory. I've been trying to find a group of underserved women with whom to work, with no luck thus far. I've also been looking for another space to serve as a creativity center or a writing studio.

My house is a zoo, quite literally, with two dogs, a coatimundi, patagonian cavy and up until recently, a pig and a chicken. I love being with the animals, but they're huge distractions keeping me from work and most especially, keeping me from writing.

Push comes to shove, I miss writing.

On particularly down days, I cry because I can't.

Recently, as I poured my frustration out to Peter, I was overwhelmed by the futility of my life. I didn't seem to be able to focus. I was bombarded by demands from everyone I knew including every animal left in our charge. I wished for some peace.

Then, I quite literally saw a post on FB. There were still some spaces left for the Omega Women's Leadership Center Juno Residency. Apply now, it said. And so I did. And so I got it, and now I couldn't be more grateful.

Juno is a one bedroom, one and one half bath charming
cottage with kitchenette, WiFi, patio and no responsibilities.

The Juno Cottage is Omega Institute's Luxury Accommodations and is only available for use by the OWLC. It is a refuge for women who are working to better the world. A place to recharge. The Residency is self-guided with complimentary use of the Juno Cottage as well as open workshops in yoga, meditation, and QiGong. Residents can go to the lake, sauna, play tennis, hike. Three meals of organic, live and mostly vegan foods are served. And for a fee, there are treatments at the Wellness Center to enhance your stay. Deep tissue massage for me tomorrow right after breakfast. Mmmm...

I made sure to join the beginning QiGong in the movement studio this morning, getting up earlier than I usually do at home in order to participate. It was my first time to try QiGong. And while the practice was gentle, meditative and soothing, I do hurt a little. There is a slight twinge of exercised muscles. Imagine that!

Luxuriating in the Omega Institute's
hammock by the lake. 

Or could it have been the hour-long guided meditation? I hadn't sat in Lotus position for years. Could that be the reason my butt hurts just a little bit?

Or maybe it's climbing the hills from the cafeteria to my cottage? No matter. I feel revitalized. I needed this.

But mostly, quite honestly, I needed the solitude. I had tried going to my father-in-law's house for some writing time, but I didn't like that I was so alone. I would stay at our cabin in the Catskills by myself, but bears, crazy neighbors, mice are all too much for me to handle without Peter. Besides, I hate staying anywhere without my dog, but man, having him with me would be like being in my own house, who am I kidding?

But here, I have peace. I get to stay in a beautiful, spacious, tranquil cottage. I have a community of fellow serenity seekers. I have access to all I need. I don't even have to worry about feeding myself (which if you knew me, you'd know, I absolutely loathe!)

This Juno Residency was exactly what I needed. And you know what, exactly what I asked for just days before I was scheduled to arrive? I asked for it and got it. At the time, while I knew I was coming here, I didn't know what was expected of me. I didn't know how to utilize the facilities. I didn't know that this would be just what I was longing for. I just didn't know.

On Sunday, upon arriving at my cottage, I noticed bird poop all over one of the patio chairs. Then, I noticed the nest situated in the back of another chair. How sweet, I thought and slowly walked over to take a closer look. And wouldn't you know it, this perfectly built nest cradled four beautiful blue eggs. I noticed mama robin watching me from a branch nearby. The other robin could be heard cawing from a short distance away. Eggs. They were a good sign.

But no sooner had I unpacked when my phone rang. My husband started with the good news. He had found ramps in our backyard. Yay! Then the bad news, my dog, Westley had cut himself and needed stitches. Oh no! The Emergency Vet had to put him under but he was fine, all-be-it a bit groggy. Should I come home? I wondered aloud. "No, he's fine." Peter insisted. But now, he had to be walked on a leash, something I was worried my mom wouldn't be able to do while I was away for the next couple of days. "Don't worry about it. We'll take care of it." my husband reassured me. But how odd, that I wanted to be free from the burden of letting the dogs out and one of our dogs, my dog, actually gets hurt? OK, not so hurt he would have died, but still...what was this telling me?

I guess, that things still happen. When I was lamenting my "woeful" life, Peter very gently said, "Well, you can't be absolved of all of your responsibilites. You'll have to let the dogs out and on occassion go grocery shopping." I don't know, I thought to myself. "Did Jane Austen have to attend to her dogs? Does Toni Morrison grocery shop?" But I know. I know. And now I do know. I wouldn't want to live so that I was totally reclusive. What I needed was a little time to regroup and regenerate my spirit so that I can be an understanding mom, an attentive dog owner, an interesting and interested wife, a caring daughter, and most of all, a writer.

The biggest thing to come out of these three days is that I allowed myself to be defined by the one title I have always wanted but feared. In Juno, according to OWLC, the goddess inspires us to maintain our integrity as we claim a leadership that is fair and protective in spirit and creative, bold and wise in action. Juno helped me to embrace being a writer. Sure, I've written things, published books, magazine and newspaper articles, but I was an editor, not a writer. I wrote what was assigned to me, not what I came up with on my own. I have put fear behind me. I have committed to my fate. I am not a waitress, which is what I was doing when I met Pete. I am not Women's Work, which is what I have been doing for the past 13 years. I am a writer, which is all I had wanted to do since I was in Second Grade.

Nick Lyons correcting one of the papers I wrote in his
Essay Writing Class. (I got an A in his class, by the way.)

Just before I left for this Residency, I found an essay I wrote my senior year in college entitled, "Why I write." My professor, the very gentle, kind and talented editor/publisher, Nick Lyons tore it apart. It as sloppy, with corrections I made with pen atop my typewritten pages. It was general when it should have been specific. It was not my best work, Nick said. He was disappointed, he continued, because he knew I could do better. I remember working on that assignment. I was afraid. I'm not afraid anymore.

This is what I have longed for. This is what I was born to do.

Thanks to my husband for his continued support at home and for the OWLC for believing I had the strength to bring out the Juno in me.

Mother's Day Blog (rant over)

This is the blog that incited a flurry of kind words, strong support, shared prom mishaps, and the acknowledgment of one or two prom dates who offered their apologies. It served it's purpose. It started discussions, realizations and change. 

Rant over. 

My sweet boy (picture taken in Namibia in 2003)

Previously Entitled: Dear mom of my son's prom date.

Dear Girl's Mom,
     First off, I'd like to tell you that I know, "momming" of girls or boys is hard. I know, because I have "mommed" both. I feel ya.
     But I'm writing as the mom of a boy, your daughter's "date" for the prom.
     I take full responsibility for him thinking he had to have a date. That's my fault. I wanted him to experience the night with someone, as a right of passage that I thought every student as a Junior should go through. I knew my son didn't have anyone special to take, but I also knew there were lots of girls out there who liked him. Maybe not liked-him liked-him, or maybe they did, who knows... So, I started asking about prom a couple of months back. With a boy, you have to ask, 'coz most of the time, they don't offer up any information. You also have to be proactive, because for the most part, it's all last minute. So, I started asking, when it was, who was going, did so and so have a date? Then, I pressed on, "How about you?" "Do you want to go?" You know, most boys go with the flow. Much easier to let things happen rather than stick their necks out there, at least that's the way it is with my son. Totally different from my daughter. He's pretty happy to be in the thick of things, but not the center of attention (another way he's different from his sister).
     I think I must have pressed him too hard and made him feel like he had to go even if he didn't want to. I just wanted him to experience it, like life in general, just be a part of it.
     And so, he found a "date" while he was with his friends on spring break in Florida. She lived in New York, "Yay!" But 5 hours away, "Boo!" That didn't really work out.
     Then, a few days before the prom, I ask him again. "How come he has a date but not you?" "Wouldn't you like to go with a friend?" And so, one day, he is telling his friend's girlfriend, your older daughter, who offers up her younger sister. The plot thickens...I get a text from him at 10:30pm (mind you, he's in his bedroom and I'm in mine right across the hall), would I drive him to Starbucks in the morning before school so that he could get an iced coffee? "Why?" I ask. "I'm going to write, "Prom?" on it and that's how I'm going to 'Prompose'.
     So, here's the thing. They don't know each other. He's a bit, how should I say, shy, awkward, genuine? Within minutes of pre-prom picture taking, your daughter has ditched him and is hanging out with people she knows. You don't even give him a ride to the next picture taking spot, he has to find his own.
     As his mom, I think you're a pretty lame one. If that were my daughter, I would have taken her aside and told her the right way to act. But hey, she's not my daughter. But he is my son and here's what I have to say about what happened.

He's fine. He's way more fine about what transpired than I am. He didn't even "like" her so he's cool with it. But I'm not, and here's why:
1.) He's 17. I have spent his entire life making him a kind, thoughtful, respectful man. To be ditched at the prom, could undo all of that because your daughter said yes but then didn't have the decency to be a kind, thoughtful, respectful woman.

2.)  It says a lot about your daughter that she couldn't make the day about him, after all, it was his prom, not hers. One day, she'll be dating and wonder why every guy she goes out with only thinks of himself. Maybe that guy took a self-centered girl to prom and after that decided he was out for number one. Consideration is a two-way street.

3.) He went out on a limb and asked your daughter to be his date. Sure she said yes, but why say yes and then not follow through? Your daughter was supposed to be his date. Does she not know what that means? If not, maybe you should fill her in. No one said to do anything more than show up and hang around him for this one night. Hell, he's one of the good guys! He didn't objectify her. He was humble. He tried to be engaging...As the mother of a girl, there is no way I would condone forcing someone to do anything they didn't want to do, but if your daughter didn't want to escort him to the dance, she should have said no. Because quite honestly, what did he do in the 20 minutes they were together that made it Ok for her to ignore him and go off on her own?

His tender ways is evidenced
in the way he cares for others. 

So, here's the thing:

• - For all the women out there disgruntled about the way men treat them
• - For the population of the world that is bewildered and disheartened that women today get paid far less than men and have little power in business, law, politics and households
• - For the horrible injustices waged upon women around the world by their overbearing fathers, abusive husbands, misogynist culture

 The way this prom transpired is where all of these wrongs have come to breed. Women play a major role in tearing down nice boys and making them mean men. 
 

Trick-or-Treating in Botswana - That smile on his
face says it all. I never want to see anyone
wipe that smile from his soul. 

As a boy's mom, it is my job to raise him to be a good person. I make sure he understands his role in the world. I embrace his daredevil nature, foster his unique sense of self, and celebrate his tireless tenacity to do the right thing. It's too bad your daughter didn't give him a chance that night. She would have had a great time if only she would have let him get his footing and felt safe enough to be himself. I don't think she'll get that chance again, at least I hope not. I do know that I hope the next time he asks someone out, it will be for his own reasons and not because his well-meaning-all-be-it-meddlesome-mom pushed him into doing it, and I hope he has a better sense than to go out with someone like your daughter again.
   
So, Dear mom of my son's Prom date, 
    The weight of the world rests on your shoulders. It's up to you teach your daughter to be a caring, responsible, and patient young woman who doesn't squelch the kindness, vulnerability, and respect out of my son so that he can grow up to be one of the good guys - the kind of guy who dates smart, accomplished, and loving women, and perhaps  one day, raises a strong, brilliant, and compassionate girl.