Unwanted Redefined

It's so quiet in the house these days. The last of our foster puppies, Half-Pint left on an escorted flight to LaGuardia to meet his adoptive family five days ago. Five days. Seems like he has been gone much longer, a month, six? We fostered him and his brother, we named Growler. Growler was neutered and remained at the rescue until they both flew off-island. It was time, I guess. After all they'd lived with us for nearly 2 months. 

. . .

We have had an influx of rescued dogs and puppies over the past 3 years. At first, it was an adult dog, the first one we fostered, and she was a foster fail. Dorothy and her sad, scared-self stole our hearts. After that, there were fosters here and there. Now, we've had at least 60 dogs go through our home, most onto forever families, a few died from malnutrition, one ran away and got hit by a cab, another had to be euthanized, and one of the latest puppies died of Parvo, he was too weak to fight the infection. 

     One of the first foster puppies we had was an adorable short-legged tiny pup that I renamed Jackson. He's dad was a Jack Russel so the name fit. He was so sweet that he would whine and ask to be picked up. As soon as I did, he'd fall fast asleep. As he grew, I had to use both hands and then my lap so that he would nap. It just warmed my heart. 

     Some of the dogs, like JoJo Rabbit, a spunky, sweet, independent husky mix we will always miss. But he was promised to a Veterinarian and we could never adopt him. He's in a good home. No need to mourn him. 

     Another dog was shaped like an avocado. She was the runt of a litter of three. Her Big Brother was tall and handsome, smart and confident. Her Big Sister was beautiful and mischievous, a bit sneaky, stealing food when your back was turned. But the smallest one, the one we called Sierra, was shy, sickly, misshapened, and a thief! Unlike her sister who stole food, she stole my heart. While her siblings ran and jumped and played, she would quietly find me, pick a spot close to my feet and lay there, sleeping, snoring, and sometimes wheezing. She would look up at me with her cliche puppy-dog eyes and I would pick her up. Oh the joy she got from being held! It was palpable. I returned her and her pack to the animal shelter when their time was due, but I didn't want to. We found out that they all were adopted quickly. I believe she is still on-island, so one day, I might just see her again. I hope to, anyway. 

. . . 

Half-Pint and Growler (Not their shelter names) came to us after the shelter coordinator asked that we foster until the shelter could open up again. They had a bout of Parvo, that killed one of the dogs we brought to them after rescuing their mom and siblings. Still stinging from tiny Bunny's death, we said yes. 

     The two boys were  about two weeks old. They were small, even for their age and I think they'll stay small. They were part of a litter of six who were found under someone's house and surrendered to the shelter. Because they were with their mother previously, they were pretty healthy, confident and friendly. We liked them both right from the start. Each had their own personality, and both extremely sweet. Of all of the dogs we've fostered, these two never got into any mischief, actually stopped doing whatever they were told to stop doing and learned quickly not to do it again. That's pretty remarkable! 

     They knew instinctively to go to the bathroom away from where they slept, so their kennel was always dry. They had no food aggression. And genuinely loved each other, would sleep on top of each other, and share their food and toys amiably. 

     Growler, the bigger (only slightly) of the two, had longer legs and would throw himself into the thick of things. When our big dogs would run, play, battle each other, Growler was right there. But, the sign of a truly intelligent dog is that while he was near the big dogs, when things got too rough, too loud, too fast, he would duck down and let the commotion pass over him before he got hurt. He knew to hide also and somehow, knew when the coast was clear. Such a smart boy. 

     Half-Pint wasn't as daring. He hung back, often running to find me if the other dogs got to be too rough. He also often asked to be picked up, getting tired running on the beach or wanting a pillow instead of the tile floor to take a nap. Oh yes, I spoiled him early on. I would lift him up onto our bed, he would climb to the top of the highest pillow and there he would sleep, for hours sometimes. One day, the big dogs ran off the Four-Poster bed and asked to go outdoors. I let them out, did a few things in the kitchen and I laughed outloud when I saw Half-Pint spread out in the center of our king-size bed as if he were king of the castle. He was all of 4 lbs, mind you, and only the size of my fist. Adorable. 

     So, when someone I knew asked to adopt him, I was so happy. That's the difference between Half-Pint and the other dogs we have known. Because I knew he would be loved, cared for, have a great life, I didn't get as weepy, sad, or wish I could keep him. I knew there would be nothing to worry about with him. He won't disappoint his new family. They won't have any reason to hit him, scold him, be mad at him or fear him. None. He will be totally adored, as it should be for both humans and pups alike. 

     Same for Growler, when Growler is finally adopted. He will be easy to care for and love. 

. . .

And that's a huge turning-point for me, living with abandonment issues. These were the two puppies I needed right now, after Bunny died. I needed to be able to hand off two rescues who were easy to love. A child of abandonment finally seeing that good things can happen and that there is good in the world. Eh… that's so hokey. 

     What I'm trying to say is that unlike with me, who has this indelible hurt that defines my self-worth as unlovable, I went from feeling how unfair life could be for me and for Bunny, to realizing that life isn’t  always unkind. There are dogs like Half-Pint and Growler who may have been born in unfortunate circumstances, but that doesn't define them. They are happy, healthy, and loving dogs who ANYONE/EVERYONE would love. 

There is that in the world...there is kindness and patience and understanding and love. At least this time, life was fair and love abounds.

.