Pandemic Pause

Billy and Buster, our latest fosters

I wake up around 6am to puppies nibbling my toes, lapping at my ankles, eager to be fed, but getting in my way so it takes longer to get to the kitchen. It's a joy to wake up to. Makes sequestering more bearable.

When this pandemic first hit, Peter and I really weren't affected by it. He and I work from home. Aside from not being able to go to restaurants, limiting our trips to the grocery store, pharmacy or Home Depot, not much had changed. We were thankful for that. 

Also, come to think of it, being on St. Croix is a huge blessing. We were kind of thrust here due to Peter's job. I debated whether or not to move down, preferring our home in New York State. But look at us now? A beautiful place to sequester, great weather, the beach minutes away, and the fresh food!

Locally grown banana varieties

Just four years ago, I became violently ill when I ate raw food. I couldn't even have a lemon in a glass of water or lettuce on my burger without becoming sick. But when I started coming here, I introduced some raw foods into my diet. Mint leaves in my mojito, a lime in my dark and stormy and pineapple juice in my Crucian Confusion. Then, I discovered fingerling bananas, and of course, mangoes. Whatever probiotic stomach ailment I had disappeared just in time for me to fully enjoy my life here.  

The only socializing Peter and I have done
since the Pandemic was a boat trip with friends
to Buck Island.

Today we had yet another a family "talk" about the Coronavirus, and I was overwhelmed by what we weren't saying, what I couldn't articulate, my real fear. Only after Macallan had left did it hit me. 

This is the problem I see:

• We're all afraid in various degrees of what this virus can do, will do, and how this will change our lives. Because, come on people, this is not anything we could have predicted, have experience in, nor is there a timeline that will keep us safe, keep us sane. 

• Our daughter studied environmental impacts. Young scientists in particular have seen that our planet has been crying out to us for years, for hundreds of years! The problem is not "new" but now, with this virus, it is worldwide. Our planet has been telling us something and we haven't been listening. Icebergs melting. Sealife dying. Ozone layer thinning. Drought. What more does Mother Earth have to do to get our attention? Oh yeah, disease. Better yet, death.

• This virus has us staying put, being alone, reflecting on our past, speculating about our future. But mostly, it's requiring us to be present. Where are you? What are you able to do safely? Who are you able to be with without danger of infection? 

St. Croix, unspoiled and secluded.

These questions: Who, What, Where, are really what we should be asking ourselves, asking of ourselves every day, with or without a deadly virus. 

Which leads me to these insights:

I believe wholeheartedly that the "universe"guides us. I believe each of us has a mission, a purpose, a reason for being. 

And with that belief, I think the world instituted this universal virus not to "punish" the "sinners" but to guide humans into reflection. Who am I? What am I doing here? Where am I and where am I going?    

My children, my husband and I have much to be thankful for; ; puppies, getting over food allergies, safe harboring, beautiful settings. Although we all do still worry about our futures; my family has our basic needs met. We're lucky. We're grateful. This time of pandemic gives us an opportunity to gain understanding about our lives. Four months so far. It may seem like a steep penalty but in reality, it's really the universe forcing us to press that pause button, asking us to stop, and giving us a chance to meditate, reflect, regenerate and recalibrate our lives.

Sure, you can resist, rail, retaliate but really why and to whom? We don't have a choice but to look at how the virus is spreading, try to adjust our lives so that it's less likely to infect us, and take each day not for what we want from it, but how we'll use it to live. To live on.