My daughter left for college before Labor Day. While I think of her all day long, every day, I know she is leading her own life now. I used to get morning and evening texts, now, it's when she wants to share something with me. That's pretty awesome too.
My son left for his Junior year of High School this morning. I made him hold a sign up as I took his picture. I made sure it was way before the bus pulled up. It was apparently totally uncool to take the picture, much less hold a friggin' sign up, but he did it and I love him for that. And many other things...I'm hoping this will be the year he really finds his "calling". And I'm so alright with it being all about the snowboarding. Just find something you love.
And so, as promised to my husband and more importantly to myself, this is my time to write. That is what I love. I have a self imposed deadline of November to have a completed manuscript. I can do that. I have the stories written, all-be-it needing much editing. But they're there. My job the next few months is to fashion the stories into a book, a memoir, my memoir.
I will turn off all electronic devices (which is difficult for me, ask my husband and kids, ugh!) and meditate, then sit in my favorite chair in my bedroom and write. I will spend 30-45 mintues getting my thoughts together and then I will pull out my computer. Reading, re-reading, editing, shuffling electronic pages, and peering at pictures from our life during 2003-2006. I get weepy just thinking about the process.
I get remorseful thinking about the life we've lived.
I get scared thinking about how to best convey it.
I get anxious thinking about what I will do if I can't do this?
Then, I remember, that I can. I can write the book I want to read, send the message I want to give, not want to sell or tell to please others. This is my story. Writing has always been my first love and I will love it as it deserves to be loved.
No more excuses; no old, sick, sad dog waiting for me to return from my writing studio, no need to sell everything from the store in order to unclutter our lives and our home, no major financial drawbacks that require I bring in some money, no kids to attend to and no unhappy husband who needs extra attention. I have no excuses. None.
I tell my kids over and over again, find something you love. Do what makes you happy. Follow your dreams.
Maybe it's time I took that advice and threw myself in the one course of life I had always thought was my purpose. So. Here goes.
I love the statement that you can write the book you want to read, send your message, not worry about the selling or pleasing others. Good for you, Cecelia. Of course, it will be a book that many people will love to read, because yours is a great story!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Becky. :)
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